Of Silent Nights and Lonely Monkeys
by Maaya
Summary: A quiet night in the forest, a lonely monkey boy, and some melancholy feelings.


Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or any of its characters.  
  
Notes: First Saiyuki fic ever. , *wishes it had more dialogues* I love dialogues, to read them, to write them . . . why is there a lack of dialogues? *sulks* It's hinted at Sanzo/Goku, but nothing big. Hmm, and probably OOC. Though I don't really think so - but it's up to everyone to interpret the characters how they want. I apologize about the bad grammar, but I didn't want to bother my beta with anything else than GW stories, and English is not my first language. Hmm - all that seem to point at a sign saying 'don't write fan fictions at all'. In addition, I also lost track of what I really wanted to get out when I started writing.  
  
C&C is very welcome, though!  
  
*pokes* I've got a livejournal, but it's lonely as (almost) none of my friends have one. Wanna friend me? Username is Maaya1x2  
  
***  
  
Of Silent Nights and Lonely Monkeys by Maaya  
  
***  
  
They were, as so many times before, sleeping in the jeep. An especially big forest and an unfortunate but none too serious accident resulted in that Hakuryu needed some rest and therefore, the three youkai and one Sanzo were where they were - in the middle of the forest instead of in the town Hakkai and Sanzo had planned they'd reach before nightfall. Hakuryu could luckily still stay in his jeep-form, after Hakkai's healing he only needed to sleep and relax, and that one could do as well as a jeep as a dragon. And being a small, bony dragon, it was actually more comfortable being a jeep, even if it resulted in that he had to carry four men on his back during that rest. Hakkai was sitting in the driver's seat, leaned back with his head tilted at an uncomfortable angle, but despite the awkward position, fast asleep. Or as fast asleep as one could be with a past like Hakkai's - every night plagued by dreams. Beside him sat Sanzo in a similar position with his arms wrapped around his body as if it would keep him in a straighter position. It did seem to work.  
  
In the back of the jeep, things were a little different. Sanzo and Hakkai slept quietly and discreetly, keeping themselves by themselves and somehow secured by the knowledge of actually being alone. Gojyo and Goku, though, seemed to (maybe unconsciously) take great reassurance out of knowing that there was someone there beside them. Their limbs were stretched out all over the seat, and with their feet pulled up to make them be in semi-lying positions, the space was as cramped as ever. Gojyo, being the longest, had his legs sprawled over the seats, and his back resting against one of the doors of the jeep and head tilted backward uncomfortably. His mouth had opened sometime during his sleep and a low almost-snoring sound escaped his throat with every breath he took. Curled around his legs rested Goku with the goofy look he always wore in his sleep plastered onto his face.  
  
His features smoothed out though, as Gojyo finally let out a full-fledged snore and caused something inside Goku's youkai-sensitive ears to twitch. The boy blinked his eyes open, disoriented for the moment, and peered around him owlishly to look for what had caused him to wake up. His eyes fell upon Gojyo's sleeping form and he frowned, sitting up and considering whether or not he should wake the pervert kappa up, just to punish him for waking *Goku* up.  
  
But something made him pause.  
  
He wasn't sure what, but it felt as if something felt wrong. At the realization, he looked around more bewildered and blinked the last few remaining shreds of sleep away from his eyes. But no - he couldn't smell, sense anything, nor hear . . .  
  
That was it.  
  
He could hear something else than Gojyo's snores in the night. It was not anything dangerous or threatening according to his gut-feelings, so Goku leaned back and listened to it, wondering why it sounded so familiar.  
  
It was a bird's song.  
  
Bird . . . when had he ever been close to a bird . . . ? The brown-haired boy thought for a while before he suddenly recalled something from his numerous long years of being chained in the cave. He didn't have many memories from that time, because nothing had ever happened, causing the days to melt together into an indifferent blur of the past. But there was one thing he remembered.  
  
A bird that had visited him. It had sung for him, flown for him, and most importantly, it had always come back to him. It was a bird that had showed him that some creatures were free to do as they wanted. To fly, go away, come back . . . if you were free, you could do whatever you wished. But the bird had died, and Goku had become alone again.  
  
This bird's chirping melody sounded very much like the one's who had died so long ago, before he had even met Sanzo. And it sounded as happy as before, happy but alone. That was why the sound had alarmed him the first place, Goku realized. Normally, he only heard bird song during the sunlight hours, and then it was accompanied by hundreds of other, answering voices. But this one seemed to be alone.  
  
Yet, the melody wasn't cheerless, it chirped on and on as if it didn't have anything more fun to do. It probably hadn't, but that wasn't the point. Goku looked around in the jeep at the sleeping faces of his comrades and sighed, wishing someone could wake up so he would have someone to talk to. He wasn't in the mood for waking them up though, because he didn't want to argue but merely have a conversation.  
  
Gojyo continued to snore stupidly, making Goku briefly wonder what women saw in the brutal, red-haired pervert. But then, Goku wasn't sure what Gojyo saw in the appearance-obsessed women with cheap make-up and false laughter he met in the bars in various towns.  
  
As an answer to the red-haired's snores, Hakkai's face twitched. For a second, Goku thought the older man would wake up, but apparently, he didn't. Instead, he fell back into the depths of worried sleep he was forever damned to experience.  
  
Finally, Goku's eyes fell onto Sanzo's sleeping face as it was reflected in the rear-mirror. He ignored the pang of longing he felt in his gut every time he studied his saviours face, biting his lip when he took in every line of the pale face. Even in his sleep, Sanzo looked very serious and concentrated, as if he didn't relax even in the land of dreams. But there was also something else, an almost vulnerable hint that his state of unawareness made it impossible for him to hide. Goku liked seeing that hint of vulnerability. It reminded him of that Sanzo felt emotions just like everybody else.  
  
The bird's song started up again, a little louder than before. It was almost as if it wanted Goku to come to him . . . and why not? Goku grinned and began to climb out of the jeep, careful not to disturb any of the sleeping men in it. The bird as alone, and Goku felt lonely, so what could be more perfect than to find the bird? He had found when he was chained in the cave, that birds could be a very good company.  
  
It was dark, but Goku with his youkai-affected sight could distinguish shapes better than most people (and youkai) so it wasn't a very big problem. He followed the bird's song quietly, surprised at how close it was to the jeep, and finally found the little bird.  
  
It sat, alone, on a tree-branch, singing out it's hearts content with that humdrum tune that Goku could faintly recognize as the same as the bird's who had died. Maybe it was the same sort? Goku wasn't sure.  
  
He stood there in the darkness for a while, watching the bird and not feeling as lonely as before. When it spread its wings to fly, sadness stabbed his heart and he sighed disappointedly.  
  
But, oh how surprised he was when the bird didn't leave him, but flew down to settle, a little awkwardly on Goku's outstretched fingertips.  
  
The youkai boy didn't breath. He stared at the bird, and the bird gazed back at him with black pearl eyes, almost as if it was asking him what was wrong.  
  
"I didn't know you liked birds."  
  
The moment was forever broken, and the bird flew, scared away by Hakkai's ever so calm words. Goku himself yelped and flung around to glare at the newcomer who had surprised him. But who could really glare at Hakkai, and stay angry for long? Not Goku, that was sure. His irritation melted away immediately at the sight of the familiar polite smile. It was that smile that could be everything; calm, polite, reassuring, sad, forced, caring, threatening . . . the only thing Hakkai's smile wasn't, was happy, Goku thought downheartedly. But the boy didn't voice any of those uncharacteristically depressed thoughts. Instead, he settled for a stuttered little, "Don't sneak up on people like that!" even though he knew no one *should* have been able to sneak up on him with his abnormal sense of hearing. If Hakkai had been Sanzo, he would have hit Goku with his fan for letting his guard down.  
  
Hakkai didn't answer the accusation. He just smiled and waited, as if expecting a reply to his first statement. The two young men looked at each other in silence for a while and finally, Goku sighed and gave in.  
  
"Yes, I like birds."  
  
Was that triumph showing in Hakkai's smile now? Goku had never been able to understand what was going on inside Hakkai's head - sometimes it felt like the older man's train of thoughts were completely different from a normal person, and that he lurked around in the shadows with tactics and a strange sort of mischievousness concealed by that endless smile. No, Goku couldn't understand Hakkai at all.  
  
The man with the monocle looked up in the dark sky where the bird had disappeared without trace. Goku thought he could detect. . Was it a wistful tone to the trademark smile now? "They seem to like you. Birds never get that close to me. Or most other people either, for that matter."  
  
Strangely, that made Goku feel a little better. "You think so?" He asked, thinking how nice it would be if someone would like him the most. But turned his thoughts to a certain monk who Goku would *really* want to be liked the most by.  
  
"Absolutely." Hakkai nodded, turning around slightly. "Was there something you wanted, or shall we get back to the jeep?" He asked over his shoulder.  
  
Goku hesitated, looking back up at the midnight black sky with tiny white dots spread over it, reminding faintly of drops of spilled milk. Then, he found himself fumbling with words. "Uh, Hakkai. . . ?"  
  
"What is it? Sanzo will get worried if we take too long."  
  
". . . Um . . ." Somehow, Goku's question stopped on his tongue at Hakkai's almost smug sentence. Then he blinked, realizing that his question had been answered before he had had time to ask it. He smiled. ". . . Nothing. Shall we get back to the jeep?"  
  
The older man smiled. "Of course."  
  
***  
  
The End  
  
***  
  
Aaargh! Don't ask! *shakes head* What Goku wanted to ask, you'll have to figure out yourself. I told you I got side-tracked and lost my so-called plot in the middle of the story. :P  
  
Still, like I said, Comments and Criticism = very welcome 


End file.
